Carrie

Carrie PosterFilm: Carrie
Rating: R
Release Date: October 18, 2013
Starring: Chloë Grace Moretz, Judy Greer, Portia Doubleday, Alex Russell, Gabriella Wilde, Ansel Elgort, Julianne Moore
Director: Kimberly Peirce
Studio: MGM / Screen Gems
Screenplay: Lawrence D. Cohen and Roberto Aguirre-Sacasa
Genre: Horror / Thriller / Not Another Hollywod Remake
Recommendation: 5 out of 5 Buckets of Animal Blood Poured onto a Virgin Prom Queen

The original Carrie released in 1976 made a household name of Sissy Spacek. The remake starring Kick-ass 2’s Chloë Grace Moretz should only advance the households in which her name is known.  Carrie is a reimagining of the classic horror tale about Carrie White, a shy girl outcast by her peers and sheltered by her deeply religious mother (played by Julianne Moore), who unleashes telekinetic terror on her small town after being pushed too far at her senior prom.

Although it is the third film adaptation of Stephen King’s 1974 novel of the same name, it is reportedly more faithful to King’s original novel. If you have ever read a Stephen King novel you know how scary-as-shit those books can be. So,  if it is indeed the closest of the three films to the book, then be thankful you don’t have any upcoming proms to attend. Unfortunately, Mr. King does not share the same enthusiasm as noted by a comment he allegedly made when he heard the news, “The real question is why, when the original was so good?” He then went on to recommend the ultimate hot-mess for the role, Lindsay Lohan. Alas, the powers-that-be behind the remake disagreed and Ms. Lohan was not cast in the lead.  Probably, a good call since Carrie is a high school student and it would be a reach to cast Lindsay as a high schooler these days.

Man up, find the hottest chick you have never asked out on a date, break the number one first date rule we preach over and over – no movies, and take her fine ass to this flick. Make sure that between now and then you hit the gym and build up those biceps as she will be holding onto those guns for dear life by the end of the film. Oh, and you are welcome!