By Jim DeBellis
It’s the most wonderful time of the year – and the time to start thinking about all the ways you can improve your life. And your relationship with that sweet girl who allows you to explore the wonderland of her silky body should be at the top of the list. After all, she probably tries a lot harder to keep your love life alive and vibrant than you do. Or maybe you’ve both fallen into that rut of non-communication along with the kind of mechanical and uninspired sexual routine that has allowed so many good relationships to just crumble away.
It really doesn’t matter how much bad or boring water has gone under the bridge. The power of a little romance to rekindle the flames of passion should not be underestimated. And – unless she’s a nagging, psycho axe murderer – she’s probably worth the effort.
A re-energized love life is really as simple as One, Two, Three…
Words and touch are the basis of all communication, and the foundation of an intimate and strong bond. They also get the primal juices flowing so that chemistry can do its thing. Your time is at a premium, and so is hers. But…could you spare three seconds just ten times a day if it would give you a rock-solid foundation to your relationship and a happy woman with lust and desire in her heart just for you? You will be amazed at the difference just 30 seconds a day can make to your love life and to the way you both feel about each other.
When you wake up next to her in the morning, stroke her face and give her a non-invasive smooch on the lips. Then don’t turn and spring out of bed like a leopard. Instead, take three seconds to tell her you love her, touch her, and gaze longingly into her eyes. If you don’t live together, then text her a few words to let her know you’re thinking of her: “Good morning!”… “Last night was amaaaaazing.”… “You are the sunshine of my life.”
Before you or she leaves, don’t just give her a split-second lip press. Take three full seconds, embrace her, and kiss her like you mean it. The world can stop in three seconds – and it’s not going to affect your commute or make you late for work. And don’t forget the smile, a touch on the cheek, and some loving eye contact before you let go of that embrace.
Take three more seconds when you come home or when she arrives. Let her catch you looking at her while you’re watching TV together or sitting across the dinner table, and then tell her how beautiful she looks, how she makes you feel right now in this moment, or how lucky you are to have her. When you walk past each other in the kitchen, take her in your arms and let her feel the strength of your love.
She will notice something different in you…and she will love it. She may think you’ve gone crazy and even protest a little at first. Just smile and say, “Hey, I can’t help it if I’m crazy about you.”
These brief moments of intimacy will also release endorphins in both of you for a little rush of happiness. Your heart rates will accelerate slightly. You will both feel a reluctance to be apart, which will build anticipation for being together again. Love will become a living thing inside of both of you, and you will experience it in a very real and powerful way. These fleeting intimate encounters will serve like an intravenous drip to keep love alive in your bodies, hearts, and minds. And lovemaking will be more anticipated, more frequent, and more passionate.
“Business as usual” is never an exciting thing. Break away from one routine every day. Call her up and meet her for lunch. Bring a leather chew for her dog. Bring her favorite Chinese takeout home for dinner. Turn off the game you don’t really care about and put on a Nicholas Sparks movie from the “On Demand” or pay-per-view list. Ask her about her day, and then listen to what she says. Rub her neck and shoulders and feet.
There are a million ways you can surprise her with your amazingness – mostly by finding ways to put her first or to sprinkle her with a light mist of love, attention, and appreciation. Sit down and write a couple dozen short and sweet little notes, and keep them in your pocket. “I love your cute little nose;” “I’m missing you right now;” “Can’t wait to see you again;” “Thanks for loving me!” Then drop one in her purse…leave one in her car…put one under her pillow and another in her sock drawer…stick one in her box of Cheerios. You’ll surprise her with your thoughtfulness, earn points, and keep yourself on her mind even when you’re not there
Send her a nice text, or bring her a single rose from the little floral stand in the supermarket. Bring her son a jersey with his favorite player’s number. Tell her to wear something nice, and then take her to a romantic place to eat. Take her dancing or to the Icecapades instead of the ballgame or the billiard bar. Grab a bucket of chicken (or some alfalfa sprout sandwiches?) and take her to a quiet beach to watch the sunset.
Never become predictable, and your relationship is likely to keep her on her toes and inspired for a long time. And her inspiration will keep you a happy man as well.
Women are multitaskers and organizers by nature. Men prefer to wing it. Yet, for some unknown reason, it always seems to be up to us to plan the dates. But the ladies get tired of “Let’s get something to eat and then do something” – especially when it usually means a burger and beer at the usual hangout followed by an exciting game of pool.
A real date needs to be planned every step of the way. Every date doesn’t have to be a “real date,” but you should do something special at least once a month.
Girls like to dress up and look pretty, so tell her to put on her best dress – and you’d better wear something nice and a little cologne yourself. Bring a small corsage for her, and tell her how beautiful she looks. But that’s not an orchestrated date yet. Let her take your arm, and open the car door for her. Then, have a small vase of roses or wild flowers waiting for her at the restaurant. Next, take her dancing, and have the deejay dedicate a song to her – and stand up and ask her to dance. You already hid her comfortable shoes in the backseat of your car, so now you can take her for a walk in the moonlit park and then meet her friends at her favorite place for two-dollar Appletinis at midnight.
It doesn’t always have to be something expensive or time-consuming to plan. Just let her get pretty, be thoughtful and attentive, and include some things she likes to do. It might be ice skating, pulled pork sandwiches, and a scenic drive to lover’s lane. Or maybe spaghetti at the restaurant you brought her to on your first date, a movie, and a visit to a club in her old neighborhood. You don’t even have to leave your house; just invite her over for dinner, watch a movie she likes on TV, have a soft blanket ready so you can make love to her on the sofa, then soak together in a warm tub of water and strawberry Jell-o. Follow that up with a sensuous and delicious shower, and carry her to your bed covered in rose petals and read her a bedtime story (or something). Just be careful not to overdo it, or she’ll be expecting you to get down on one knee and give her a diamond ring.
The idea is to just keep the surprises and excitement coming. You will always know what the next step is going to be, but she won’t – so she will be feeling thrills all night. Her response to your romantic gestures is likely to be…well, passionate.
That’s all there is to it. You have the big logs of love that can burn forever, but sometimes you need to poke at the glowing embers and add a little kindling to get the flames of passion to rise again. If you wait too long, the fire may go out all together, and then it’s a big job to get it going again. The warmth of compassion and commitment is not self-sustaining; it requires the fire of passion to keep things going – so give your relationship the same attention you would give your campfire on a chilly night, and every day will become the most wonderful time of the year.
What is it about Thanksgiving that places a tremendous amount of strain on relationships? Thanksgiving kicks off the holiday season which means unrealistic gift expectations and tremendous pressure to...
If you’re like most guys, you’re getting increasingly comfortable wearing pastel-colored clothing, futzing around in the kitchen and investing in grooming products. Times are a-changin’, and...
Does this sound familiar? You’ve finally worked up the guts to ask an attractive woman you’ve started hanging out with on a date, and she replies with a sympathetic smile and a cliche: “You’re a...