As the resident sports guy for Kandy magazine I was given a very odd assignment, Thanksgiving football and parades. My initial reaction to our all-knowing editor was, “is this a joke? What do I know about parades?” Needless, to say, it was not a very compelling argument.
Here is what I know about parades. There are two parades every year, one on Thanksgiving with a lot of hot air balloons or helium or some sort of gas keeping them afloat that rise above the streets of New York City and another parade on January 1st, consisting of floats made of roses, crawling through the streets of Pasadena, California. Hold on a second, I just remembered a third parade, St. Patrick’s Day parade which, if memory serves me correct, has no floats or balloons. Only a bunch of drunken Irishmen walking the streets of NYC. But, isn’t that what we call a Friday night in New York? Back to my assignment on Thanksgiving parades predictions. Here we go. We have established the fact that I am only aware of a single Thanksgiving parade so that just makes my job that much easier. I wonder if Vegas would take odds on these predictions. Here are my odds of these events occurring:
- Balloons Fail to Take Flight Due to Too Much Wind: 3 – 1
- Snoopy Breaks Loose From His Leash and Plows Into Miss Kitty: 10 – 1 (There are a few Kandy girls who are Miss Kitty fans I wouldn’t mind plowing into. Was I not supposed to say that out loud? Only stating what you dear reader is thinking.)
- High School Marching Band Takes A Wrong Turn ala Animal House: 25 – 1
- Santa ‘s Sleigh Gets A Flat Before Making It To Macy’s: 30 – 1
Next year throw the Thanksgiving parades assignment over to the travel desk. Now onto the better part of the assignment, Thanksgiving football games. It looks like a good slate of games with the Bears vs. Lions, Seahawks vs. 49ers, and Eagles vs. Cowboys. Did anyone else notice that besides the fact they are all intra-division games that they are all teams from the NFC? How did the AFC get screwed out of Thanksgiving coverage? This may be the first time, to our recollection, that a game featuring both teams from the NFC is broadcast on CBS. You old-timers will surely point out to us the NFC was broadcast on CBS before FOX bought their way into the big leagues. We also have to point out then that back in those days Tom Brookshier and Pat Summerall were the announcers. John Madden replaced Brookshier towards the end of the CBS broadcast days. Yes, our fellow gamers. John Madden is not only the namesake of Madden NFL but he is an actual person who was a NFL announcer. And, before he made his way into the broadcast booth, he was the head coach of the Oakland Raiders and led them to a Super Bowl championship, until his fear of flying got in the way.
On to my predictions, parlay the games and the points over/under, and send me one-half the winnings or hashtag #iwonkandysportsguy. Just feed my ego.
Game 1 – Bears vs. Lions
A battle of NFC central teams featuring quarterbacks who, despite bazooka arms, never lived up to expectations. Will it be Stafford and Megatron or Cutler and Marshall who prevail? In a game devoid of defense, we predict the Silver and Blue of Detroit to outgun the Orange and Black of Chicago 45 – 28.
Game 2 – Eagles vs. Cowboys
It looks like the Eagles will be going into this battle without their stud QB Nick Foles and will be relying on the erratic play of ex-Jet Mark Sanchez who didn’t play like a Jet in his first action of the season. The Cowboys, on the other hand, also have questions at QB as Tony Romo has a back issue that makes him questionable week to week. If there is no Romo, the Cowboys will have to rely on Brandon Weeden. In a battle of backups leading high-powered offenses, we predict a low scoring game 14 – 10 in favor of the Eagles.
Game 3 – Seahawks vs. 49ers
In the final NFL game of the day, the nightcap so to speak, it is a repeat of the NFC championship featuring two NFL West powerhouses, the defending Super Bowl champions Seattle Seahawks versus their archrival the San Francisco 49ers. This game will be the most entertaining game of the day. Whatever you do make sure you do not over indulge on Turkey or libations. This is a Must-Watch game. It will be hard hitting and high scoring. The defenses of the two teams are not playing at a level of last year’s teams but they are still hard hitting. The difference in the end will come down to home field and we predict, unlike in the NFC championship game last year, Colin Kaepernick hooks up with Vernon Davis in the closing seconds to pull out a 31 – 30 win for the 49ers.
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